This week we are going to work on coping with our triggers. Instead of allowing it to have a negative effect on our mood. Let's try to redirect that energy and handle it differently.  

What is a trigger from https://psychcentral.com/health/trauma-triggers#what-are-triggers 

A trigger can be anything that sparks a memory of a trauma, or a part of a trauma. 

When you encounter a trigger, memories and thoughts associated with the trauma come back without warning. You cannot stop the intrusive thoughts, and in response, you feel a turn in your emotions and begin to react. 

Coping tip from https://www.iamatreasure.com/blog/5-ways-to-cope-when-you-are-triggered 

1. GET GROUNDED 

When you find yourself entering the throes of a heightened emotional state, you can use grounding techniques to bring you back to a calmer state. 

Grounding is widely recognized as one of the most helpful ways of coping with trauma and anxiety. In fact, Navy seals are trained in the breathing technique below in order to stay calm in high-stress situations 

Navy Seal Breathing
    Inhale for 4 seconds. Hold 4. Exhale 4. Repeat. 

5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique
    • Sit comfortably. Breathe Deeply
    • Name: 5 things you can see. 4 things you can feel. 3 things you     can hear.  2 things you can smell. 1 thing you can taste 

Breath Prayer
    A breath prayer is an ancient practice where you pray with the rhythm of your breath. I have found it to be incredibly grounding. To practice breath prayer…
          • If you are able, get still and open your heart to the presence of God.
          • Imagine that God is asking you, “What do you need?”
          • Once you know the answer, turn it into a simple breath prayer, calling on God to meet you in your place of need. For example, you may find yourself praying one of the following:
              • God, be with me.
              • Lord, help me.
              • Jesus, give me peace. 

Being celibate is torture for me. I fake hate it because I love the idea of sex. Even though this is my third time on this journey. My craving for sex was still strong. I thought about it, missed it, craved it, but understood I needed to control it. Having sex was still my favorite exercise, therapy, and happy place. 

However, it was still the thing that kept getting my heart broken. So here I go again, third times a charm (or whatever the hell the saying is). The first time I was bitter and kinda forced into it. The second time I needed to recover my feelings, let go of my past. 

This time around I was healing my heart and triggers. This time I wanted to be intentional about this journey. I finally learned what kind of lover I wanted to love. The kind i could be vulnerable in, submissive, adventurous, and secure. A woman that could lead as well as listen. 

In order for me to achieve that vibe I had to work on me. My commutation skills were better than they were in 2020. But there was more work to be done. Instead of running I could learn to trust my words and stay. I had a bad habit of leaving situations at the first sign of weirdest. One day i wanted to attract the kind of woman that made me stay. 

I wanted to learn pussy discernment. When she like someone I need her to calm down to make sure WE like them. Thumper will have me going all in when I should get the head and leave. Everybody doesn't deserve all of me nor to taste Thumper. This journey I wanted to learn discernment, to keep my feelings from being invested. 

I also wanted to recognize my triggers that way I could stop from running. I needed to deal with my problems without revisiting my past. Yes, there was trauma that took time to heal but i still had to live. My triggers paralyzed my heart and kept me from falling in love. It was time to move on. 

So yes, here we go, the Re-Re-Re Grand Opening to my celibacy journey. 65 days to the day and I'm not sure how long this journey will last. But I know where I want to go this time. No more situationships, no more gray areas, no more couple rules in my single world, and no more sex for awhile. 

Time to be intentional with my life, goals, and heart. I wanted to attract peace genuine love, and a career that made me happy. 

When it rains in April sometimes it storms. April has been blah and blah and wtf’s so far. But we are still walking on faith, with the occasions fall, I'm still keeping an open mind. One thing April is teaching me is to ground myself and think with  a different perspective. Especially when things do not go as planned. 

 Cant sit and stew in it; nothing will get accomplished. Sometimes you have to tuck your pride and ask for help. And you have to accept the consequences that go with it until you get the results you want. I'm taking the rest of April to work on my mental. Thats important when your circumstances are not what you want. 

We are going to get through this 

4/20 

How are you feeling? Sometimes you have to ask yourself that question, check your own temperature. How I'm feeling? I am bruised. I say bruised because I'm not defeated nor broken. But my soul is hurt. The end of march ended with bad news and April started with tears. Death, disappointment, and leftover stress blew me. 

It really messed me up learning one of my friends gained his wings. Too soon if you ask me, but who am i to question god. We certainly lost a real one here on earth. The kind of man that made a difference, was positive, a good husband, and so damn funny ‘Bradford Cy the Assassin Johnson’ was a great man.  

His passing reminded me that I do want to have real love. The way he loved his wife in public spoke volumes to how he treated her in private. Which reminded me of the love i let go and all of the people i let go. Maybe i could have had more patience. Maybe i needed to be more honest with my heart. Whatever it is, it made me disappointed with my love life. 

At this age i was ready to be with my person. Not only for sexual purposes, but for every purpose. I'm tired of not having a lover, friend, partner and future bride. This life was ghetto stressing about frivolous things. I was ready to be happy, shedding my triggers for healthier coping mechanism.  

March taught me life is to short to be miserable, crying, sad, living with regrets, wasting energy, and being stagnant. For the remainder of my time i plan to live a healthier/better life. Focused on my son and career and having fun, nothing else matters. My motto for April is figuring out. How to be a better author, businesswoman, mentor, and a happier person. Hopefully on this journey i attract my person, better friends, and more money.  

Hello April 4/3