The classroom looked like Pam stole their cookies out of their cookie jar. She let the room have a break while she went over their entry. ‘Naughty girls.’ Pam wanted to laugh at their shameful faces. She understood the tug of war they were having inside. America says respectable women are looking for a husband. A partner to have babies with and grow old together. These women did not appear to have any of those things listed. Pam positioned herself in front of the class to gather their attention.

 “What did we learn?” There was a reason she started with this exercise.

 "That I’m a real freak.”

 "A big dick is high on the list.” a bunch of women laughed in agreement.

 “I want love and sex.” The rest of the women chimed in.

 “There is no wrong answer to this question.” She wasn’t there to criticize them 

 “But we do have to change our thought process. That’s what this group is about helping to change our sex addiction into a healthy understanding.”

 “Which means we have to deprive ourselves sex?” Pam knew they did not want to hear the answer to the question.

 “Yes, but don’t think about it as depriving yourself. We are taking time to rebuild our walls and replenish our worth. Pam had to go through it herself. It took years to come to terms that sex was her ruining her love life. unaware that she was unable to attach emotionally, she relied on sex to carry the relationship. Scared of falling in love pam assumed sex would make up for it. Pam was too busy chasing the wrong thing, she wasn’t fixing the factual issues.

 “Booooo. That sucks.” And a couple of “Hell naw.” Followed. Yet she ignored them while passing back their journey. They need to put their kitty on ice and treat the real issues.

 Without sex in the way.

 “Yes.” How else did they expect to figure out why they are unhappy? These women were stuck in dead end cycles and draining relationships. “How else can we get to the root of our problem” Because they were at a stagnant place in life, one that sex was not helping.

 “Its just sex.” Pam smirked at that statement.

 “If allowing yourself to fuck freely was ‘just sex.' Why are you here.” The room sat silently, unwilling to answer. “Something brought you here and its deeper than sex.”

 They were here because having ‘just sex’ led them down dark roads. Allowed the wrong people to love them past the expiration date. For some it started an early age how to use sex as a form of self medicating. Or an ATM. There were those addicts who lusted for people but had no clue on how to love them. They were emotionally unattached but sexually charged to the world.

 “Celibate hearts are not here to torture you ladies. We are here to help you find healthy cures to an unhealthy addiction.” Pam sat on the stool. “Taking a vow of celibacy helps us heal traumas. There could be a reason your first thought is the bedroom and not the actual person.” For Pam it was her childhood.

 “Question, can I touch myself?” A lady dressed in red asked the question everyone wanted to know.

 “It's up to you. Some people abstain from certain sexual acts and others stay away from it all.” There are different ways to practice celibacy. “Some people feel marriage should be the ultimate go.” That was the most traditional style. “Masturbating could help curve your appetite while being celibate.” Pam loved her toys.

 “Any more questions?”

 “Yes, what am I supposed to do with my fantasies?” a beautiful dark skin woman softly spoke up.

 “Tell me about it.” Pam held up her Safe space journal. “Please, reach out to me. Email, text whatever you feel you need to do to keep your sobriety, do it.” Avoiding Temptation was possible. If you were determined to beat it. “Have a good day ladies.”

 “Have a good day.” Class dismissed

What the Celibate hearts wants you to know about being a sex addict.

 A person who identifies as a sex addict is not someone who really, really likes sex. Or a person who wants abnormal sexual pleasure. Nor a person who is sexually open to trying unusual acts. It has nothing to do with the number of sex partner a person has. or what age a person starts to engage in sexual activities. These are assumptions made up by people who have never gone through any kind of addiction.

 Sexual addiction is defined/occurs when sexual behaviors become compulsive and hard to control. The textbook definition says-“persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior despite increasing negative consequences to one’s self or others” That includes the obsessive need for a relationship or the compulsive desire to engage in sexual activity. Even if they wanted to stop, they can not refrain from doing so.

 This goes beyond simply wanting an obsessive amount of sex. The absence of sex can change their personality, frustrate them, and cause them to lash out. Although sexual addiction is not capable of being diagnosed medically. It is not a fake or made-up thing. Counselors and psychologist do acknowledge it’s a chemical addiction.

 *Nerd fact- the same regions, the ventral striatum, dorsal anterior cingulate and amygdale, that become activated with drug addicts who are exposed to drug-related triggers. Are the same ones that are triggered in sexual addicts. This process starts in the brain’s dopamine reward center. Once triggered it creates a euphoric high on the brain’s neurotransmitter. Very similar to the high a drug addict chases.

 So yes, its real. Yes, women suffer in silence because they are unsure of how to get help. Celibate Hearts wants to help. Sexual addicts struggle with intimacy, attachment, childhood trauma, and domestic abuse. Sometimes addicts are a product of their experience. They don’t understand the why and only want to forget it happened. To be honest most sex addicts do not know they are addicts. And when left untreated it can get worse or life damaging.

 We want women to understand when you don’t seek help to control those compulsive behaviors. Life can feel like hell is taking over. Relationships are hard to form, trauma never addressed, your happiness is lost, and you can end up doing strange things for change. Celibate hearts are dedicated to getting down in the bad with you. and unpack those negative issues holding you back.

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